"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

A couple of friends have asked for an update since my last health-related post.

While I don't have all that much new to report, I thought I would still send out an update and an extra plea for prayers and positive thoughts.

Tomorrow (Monday, October 3rd), I will have another biopsy done. According to the doctor's orders, I am to have 1) a CT-guided needle biopsy of a retro-peritoneal lymph node and 2) a CT-guided needle biopsy of the presacral mass. I was told over the phone that the radiologist doing the procedure isn't sure if she will be able to biopsy the presacral mass as it is a difficult region of the body to get to. According to The Google, this space is inside the pelvis, behind the rectum and in front of the coccyx and sacrum. So, yeah...a needle near my colon, bladder, uterus, rectum, etc. is a teeny bit disconcerting. Alas, I would really like to know what this sucker is that is causing me so much pain and misery. I am tired of going through these tests and getting no new answers...good or bad. 

After the biopsies, I will have to wait a few days for the pathologist to examine the tissue and send the results to the doctor. I currently have a follow-up scheduled for Thursday morning with the oncologist.

Before I write the next part of this blog, I feel the need to say a few things about my relationship to church and God and religion because I don't want to be judged or offend anyone and well...I just feel like writing about it, I guess. While I was raised in the Methodist church, I stopped practicing and attending in my 20s. I formed the belief at that time that there is "more than one path to God" and I still wholeheartedly believe that. To me, no way is better than another and truly, if you look deeply enough into any religion, you will find that most (certainly not all, but quite a few) are pretty much the same. You will never find me judging another's beliefs. We all want peace and love and an understanding of "all that is". 

That being said, my husband and I started attending a Methodist church prior to our wedding and I found that the sermons and scriptures were more easily identifiable to me than they were in my younger years. I do not know if this is because I have matured or if the church has evolved to meet the needs of a more contemporary world view.  Regardless, I enjoy attending now, find meaning and peace in the practices and am trying to find a way to incorporate this spirituality into my everyday life and my search for both peace and for physical, emotional and mental healing. To further explain why I am trying to explain this...I would never try to push my beliefs on others (especially because my beliefs are always in flux, always expanding and changing) and it is completely out of my character to recite bible verses...but today. Today was much too serendipitous to stop myself from sharing. 

Today in church, two of the verses that were read to us were Matthew 6:27: "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" and Matthew 6:34: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

After the first verse was read, my husband and I looked at each other. Knowing glances. I am a worrier. Big time. My husband, in his own way, sites this phrase all the time. I try to listen. I "get" it. It's just not so easy to apply to life.  And the second verse....well, that just hit home for me with what is happening to my body tomorrow. While it is totally in my nature to spend today worrying and thinking about what will happen...will it hurt? Will they find anything?  Will they get the tissue they need to make a diagnosis? Will there be complications? Etc. Etc. Etc. You know the drill. So. Totally. In. My. Nature. But, why? What will this solve? What will this change about tomorrow? Or Tuesday or Wednesday or Thursday? Nada. Will I probably still worry? Yes. Will I spend much of my night tossing and turning? Yes. But, I am really gonna do my best to focus just on today. What can I do right in this moment to be happy. Hug my husband? Eat some ice cream? Ha. Snuggle with this cute pup that hasn't left my side since we moved to Maryland? 

Like sweet Wendy pointed out in response to my last health-related blog: "[Steph]'d tell you to just focus on the next appointment, and to not look too far down a road you could never predict anyway. If you do, just try to imagine the BEST outcome and not the worst". Faith, hope and inspiration always come in unexpected, yet meaningful ways. Instead of worrying today...I am going to focus on these things. I am gonna try anyway!