Sunday, November 18, 2012

"Unable are the Loved to die"...

"Unable are the Loved to die. For Love is Immortality"
- Emily Dickinson

As the reality of Vashni's passing continues to sink in, I wanted to thank everyone for their help and support, public and private. Thanks to all who donated in her memory to the Foundation for Women's Cancer and Montgomery Hospice.  I appreciate those who walked/ran in her honor at the 2012 National Race to End Women's Cancer.  Thanks to all who took an interest in this site and in Vashni's journey.  I promise to no longer hijack this blog with my posts and leave it be.  For anyone who is interested/bored/has nothing else to do, I've decided to posts my thoughts here.  Also, one of Vashni's dear friends is setting up a website (currently under construction) to honor her memory.


Friday, November 2, 2012


Vashni passed away Wednesday, October 31.  She was kept comfortable in her last days and was surrounded by her closest loved ones.  Her memorial service will be held at Paddletown-St Paul's United Methodist Church, 355 Church Rd, Etters, PA on Sunday, November 11, at 2:30 pm.

I suppose the title of this blog post is intended to have a double meaning.

First, I am overwhelmed by the pain and feel devastated.  I was under no illusions that this was going to suck and suck hard.  But man, the emotional resources reserved for taking care of Vashni throughout her illness and the immediate numbness are now making way for pain and it is pulling no punches.  Dammit.  Thanks to all who have offered support no matter how large or small.  I know I, as well as the many others who are grieving, won't be able to go through this alone so lets certainly not plan on doing so.

Well, enough of that.  The second meaning behind the blog title is that I am overwhelmed at the outpouring of love shown towards Vashni.  I was lucky to have her as my sweetheart and her sweetness has been reinforced many-fold by what's been said about her in recent days.  So, in tribute to Vashni - a sampling of emails, messages, facebook posts, etc said about Vashni. By no means an exhaustive list, just examples of those that capture what a truly special person she was (so don't be offended if I left yours out :) ) I'm not naming names but if you still recognize your quote and you don't want it on here, let me know and I will remove.

"We are very saddened for your loss, the loss of a warm, bright, and very wonderful woman. Will miss her deeply. A very cheerful, laid back, and welcoming person who was so young, these are hard times when so many giving and caring people are lost."

"I can say that I NEVER heard anything but positive words come from her mouth and she would never do anything hurtful to anyone and would always lend a hand for anything. I will say a daily prayer for [her] parents, husband, brother and all of her friends that had the pleasure of knowing such an AMAZING, SMART, BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL WRITER and KIND HEARTED person. To her parents I just want you to know that you did a fabulous job raising Vashni into a beautiful well liked and respected angel! You will be truly missed by so many Vashni and you put up one hell of a fight."

"Vashni was one of the nicest people you can meet in life. I will always remember that smile. She is an inspiration to everyone. She never gave up and kept fighting. And now she is no longer suffering. God bless you Vashni. You are going to be missed dearly."

"There were many of days we didn't get along, but we would move on and not think about it again. Days that you didn't feel your best, you still would laugh and try to comfort and reassure others. How could one not admire your strength and courageousness?"

"Your words of encouragement when I was having a bad day or unsure of myself always lifted me up."

 "I forget what the actual topic was of a rare serious conversation we had one time, but you asked me if I ever cried... I said no. Of course, you wouldn't buy it and essentially said BS. (I think that was the same convo you called me a stubborn mule.)
Well, Vash, you won...
I cried today."

"You touched so many lives. You made a difference."

"[S]he was a friend who came with no pretenses. She was exactly herself, and it was exactly perfect. She was hilarious, selfless, and accepting. There was no way you could be around her and not be immediately at ease and enjoying yourself. At the same time, this unassuming friend was one of the most inspirational people I have ever met. She lived each day with honesty, humor, courage and strength...not just the hard ones... all of them. For the past year, that became ever so much more evident. Her blog posts never failed to have a profound effect on me. (I would love to see it be published so many, many more can be inspired by her words!) As our hearts are saddened and heavy from losing such a dear and sweet friend/loved one, we can all take refuge in the knowledge that her suffering is over, and that we were truly blessed to have known her. The majority of people in this world did not know her, so we are among the luckiest few who got to share a part of Vashni's life. I am honored to have had that chance, and I will never ever forget her"

"One morning I texted Vashni and told her I just wanted her to know I loved her and was thinking of her. It wasn't till days later that I realized that the text had gone to the wrong person, someone who is dear to me as well. This recipient, I'm sure, thought it was quite odd to get that text from me out of nowhere, and when she responded I realized my mistake but was none the less happy I said it to her as well.
I then told Vashni what had happened. She was VERY SICK at this point but still able to communicate via text. When Vashni read my text this was her reply: WELL PERHAPS SHE NEEDED IT MORE THAN ME THAT DAY"

(Note: that is just one example that even when she was battling her cancer and had an understandable 'get out of jail free' card to be selfish and focus solely on taking care of herself, she was still invested in the well being of others. Incredible)
"We have two ways of remembering people who leave us and start another journey. We either cry over their absence, or smile and remember them through the countless memories that have stayed back"

(Note: this is exactly what I'm trying to accomplish with this blog post...shifting from the former to the latter)

"Please look into publishing her blog. A woman as inspirational as Vashni needs to be read by everyone. Her writing is heart-warming, laugh -inducing and truly unique."

(Note: one other person had this same suggestion. Someone's going to have to clue me in on how to go about doing this. I agree her writing can be an inspiration to others going through what she dealt with

I don't know how to wrap this up so I will shamelessly steal from one of Vashni's earlier posts.  This is from her first post after the diagnosis of her cancer recurrence. Easier said than done but sounds like a plan.

"I am sure I will have plenty of moments when I will cry my eyes dry, but today. No tears. All business. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. But, we are doing this one day at a time, right?"