Sunday, September 18, 2011

Holy Mary Mother of All That is IKEA

I forgot how totally AMAZING and AWESOME the IKEA store is!! It has been years since I walked into an IKEA, and on a whim this weekend, I made a pilgrimage to all that is holy in home furnishings and decor. After fighting through Maryland vs WVU football traffic (that's the trouble with doing something on a whim...you forget about these types of unplanned-for obstacles), I arrived at the Big Blue building, parked in the gi-normous parking lot and slowly escalated up the...uhh...escalator to "The Showroom"...aka Grown-Up playland...awww ahhh...<key the majestic heavenly lights shooting out from the ceilings of the IKEA store>.

Top 3 things I love about IKEA:

1) The Showroom and its itty-bitty, yet grown-up size "playrooms". Its like being a live adult-sized doll inside a real adult-sized dollhouse. You can sit in various styles of living rooms, bedrooms, offices, kitchens and bathrooms and imagine yourself in a whole different trendy and sophisticated life. You can lounge on a couch and watch the fake big screen TV or read a fake book while cozied up on a chaise lounge covered in a silky mohair wool throw. You can sort through your wardrobe in your super-organized closet or chop veggies on your pristine kitchen counter with your wall-mounted knife set while your kids dutifully do their homework at the free-standing kitchen island under fully-integrated environmentally-friendly lighting. IKEA makes me want to be a better person. IKEA also makes bedding look like a warm soft fluffy cocoon that you never want to emerge from. I have never actually crawled under one of these inviting swaddles of cloth in the IKEA store...but...oh how tempting it is!

2) The Prices! Oh My God...The Prices!! Sure there are pricey items there, but most things are so affordable yet stylish and sturdy...I can't tell you how many times I gasped while touring around the store. A duel-sided art easel (chalkboard on one side, whiteboard on the other) for $14.99!?! Gorgeous queen-sized duvet sets for $39.99!?! Are you kidding me?!? A pair (pair!!) of lined (!!) curtains with tiebacks included (!!) for $19.99!?! Get the heck outta here!!?? Seriously, I could go on and on. The prices astound me. 

3) The People-Watching. Very few people shop alone at IKEA. Mostly you will see couples and families embarking on a multi-sensory hours-long adventure through the store. Mostly you will bear witness to these other people and their families playing make-believe among the mini-rooms, couples discussing the merits of leather versus fabric or spring versus memory foam. Parents helping their new freshman college students furnish their first dorm room. Newlyweds trying to negotiate needs versus wants and his style versus hers. It's fun. It's entertaining. And in IKEA, I can just pull up a $69.00 armchair and take it all in.

One of the downfalls of IKEA is that, despite its well-marked arrows to help you flow seamlessly from one department to the next, it is very easy to get lost and disoriented inside the store...especially if you need a break for food or bladder relief. Its like getting lost inside the Louvre (has anyone else ever gotten lost in the depths of the Louvre...its terrifying...you feel as though you will never find your way back to daylight again). I circled the store probably a total of 14 times in the 2-plus hours I was there and if you asked me to find a specific department or item...I couldn't do it. 

The other downfall is the fact that my husband will never set foot inside the IKEA. I so want him to experience this world, but it is so far beyond his comfort level...it will never happen....unless I strap him to a flatbed and force him to roll through the labyrinth that is IKEA, roll him into the cocoon-like bedding, somehow convince him that the TVs are real. Yeah...so not gonna happen. Oh well...that's what my girlfriends are for....who wants to go!?

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