Time

March already!? It's unbelievable how quickly time is flying by...especially now that I am starting to realize that there just isn't enough of it! 

My therapist and I talked recently about my lack of motivation lately...otherwise known as "inertia". I have had this issue my entire life. This is not a new problem at all. I am more motivated and active when I have more to do. And, right now, while I am unemployed and focusing on rest and health...I find myself...uhh...inert. I just can't get myself going. It's so frustrating because while I see there is benefit to resting and being still and just sitting with myself, I feel like I am wasting time. Time that is precious. Time that I won't get back. This delicate balance is a struggle for me. I suppose it is just a fact of life and the human condition. I shall not beat myself up about it.

And then there is "Words with Friends". Dammit. I need an intervention. Because while I am sitting still and being with myself, I should at least be contemplating the deeper meaning of life and all the treasures it holds...not trying to figure out how to use my letter "Z" to my best advantage. Sigh. At least I am exercising my brain cells. Or something like that.

Anyway...I am almost done with week #1 of the Topotecan cocktail. Doesn't it sound like a drug that I should be taking while banging on a drum and chanting? Maybe puffing on a peace pipe or cleansing with some sage? The side effects so far have been almost non-existent. I will get my blood counts done tomorrow to see how those red and white blood cells and platelets are faring, but based on how I feel...I think they will be in the "good" or "ok" range. Perhaps my vampiress days are over. Still having some back and pelvic pain, but I have some good drugs for when I need them, which is mostly at bedtime. You know..."sorry honey, I just took some narcotics...I am too tired to scratch your back." LOL. I kid. I kid. 

Next week...I am having another liver biopsy. If you read my blog post about the first one...you know how traumatized I was by this experience, so I am a little reluctant and anxious. I am told that since the masses are a little larger, it will be a much easier procedure...but, I am not totally convinced. The reason for this "redo" is worth it to me though as my doctor is going to send this tissue off to a company: Caris Life Sciences. Here, they will do a targeted profiling of my cells and hopefully find the best treatment options specific to my body. It's new-ish. It's a long-shot. But, it's worth the liver jabbing if it can save and/or prolong my life. And if it can help science...I am kinda all about that too. 

That's my update for now. Take care. Live long and prosper! 

Love, Vashni