For Steph...

Today marks the 3rd anniversary of the day I lost a dear friend, Stephanie Leonards Roman, to cancer. To say that I think about Steph everyday would be an understatement...as I think about her many times every day. Especially now. I never in a gajillion years thought I would be facing the same battle for life as she did just 3 years ago.

When Steph was battling cancer, I didn't talk to her much. I didn't visit. I sent an occasional silly gift or card or email. I still have a card that I failed to send her before she passed. I can't bring myself to get rid of it or send it to someone else. I regret not talking to her more and I hope she knows/knew how much I thought of her then. I know she knows how much I think of her now because I feel her around me. She is somehow with me on this journey. 

Battling cancer, especially a stage IV cancer, can be a very solitary experience. It's not something you can really grasp or comprehend until you are smack dab in the middle of it (which I sincerely hope none of my loved ones ever are). I often wonder if she had the same fears as I. The same questions. The same doubts. In the times that I did interact with her, she was incredibly courageous and brave and FUNNY. I was diagnosed with my first cancer while she was still around and I always referred to her and considered her to be my "cancer role model". I have said it before and I will say it again...I sincerely do not think I would have handled my own diagnoses and subsequent battle nearly as well as I have if it weren't for her positive example.

At any rate, I really didn't want this to be a sad blog. Rather a tribute to Steph, a reminder of how precious life really is, a celebration of the life of that comical and confident blondie that entered my life in....uh...1992? Wow 20 years ago?!

I used to keep another blog called Vashni's 34x365. I started it on my 34th birthday in 2007. An attempt to write "34 words for every year of my life about 365 people who have helped shape who I am today. One person each day for a year." I petered out at #83. Around the time I started dating my now-husband and got preoccupied with love and such. But, I looked back this morning and there she was. Number 56. November 6, 2007. 

Stepha-NIE! From Lyle Hall to Brookwood Court, the tundra to the Keys, we created so many silly memories. Tommy Boy. Back scratchers. That infamous late night trek to Landis. "Rectum? Damn near killed him!"

I suppose that most of this means absolutely nothing to most of you, but Steph would get it. And just thinking of these moments from our shared past makes me laugh out loud and smile. Boy oh boy...did Steph love telling that Landis story. I'd give my right kidney to hear her tell it again.

 

 *sidenote: I actually thought about the above "rectum" quote (which I believe actually originated from someone else in the Leonards clan) during my Near-Death Straining Incident.

Anyway...Steph and I had our ups and downs, as many friendships do, and even though I know she is somehow still around, I miss her. I miss her story-telling. The way she loved to brag about her wonderful family.  Her corny (seriously corny) jokes. Her love of all things bird-related.  Her gift and passion for teaching and for being a Mom. Her vibrant smile and that laugh. She knew how to laugh without abandon.

 “The first time her laughter unfurled its wings in the wind, we knew that the world would never be the same” ― Brian Andreas

Miss you, Stepha-NIE!! Today and always.


Love, Vashni