Information Overload

So...the last few days have been rough. Not horrible. Not intolerable. But rough. The new chemo drugs kind of kicked my butt.  At first, it put me into a zombie-like state. Then, more of a hmm...baby-like (??) state. I felt as if I ate, I slept, I ate, I slept. As soon as I had a meal, I would need to go take a nap. At times, I felt hot and sweaty. At times, nauseous and itchy. I had a mild headache. And overall, I just felt downright sad and hopeless and anxious...which we know is NOT the way I want to fight this. It's actually hard to say if I was fatigued or depressed. Apparently, it is much harder to stay positive and hopeful when you feel like poop. But regardless...I need to shake this funk off!

The good news is...I am feeling a lot better today. It could be that I just decided to feel better or maybe the worst of it has passed. At least I know what to expect now. At least I know..."this too shall pass".

I have been reading/googling a lot. Too much, I think. It mostly starts out as me trying to find survivor stories. That is innocent enough...I want facts with which to build my hope upon. But, I always stumble upon all these "I healed myself of cancer" by giving myself coffee enemas and drinking carrot juice websites and the occasional "scary statistics" websites, which haunt me to no end. I am feeling a bit confused and overwhelmed by all the cancer information that is out there. Now, I feel nervous that I am making the wrong decisions (which certainly does not help build confidence in my kill cancer campaign). What if I should have done more "doctor-shopping" before starting treatment? What if chemotherapy is a really bad idea? Are my vitamins and supplements and juicy juices going to counteract the chemo? Can visualization and prayer alone save my life?

I am so confused, people!! Information overload. It's not necessarily a good thing to have knowledge. Who do I listen to? How do I know what's right for me? Can I do chemo and try other alternative therapies? Some folks say no. But, why?

Sigh.

My plan is to arm myself with these questions when I see the doc this week for my second round of Gemzar (this drug, by the way, seemed to go in pretty well...it was the Cisplatin that knocked my insides around a bit, I think). I usually go with a list questions anyway...I just think this list may be a tougher set. Or...I may be a tougher audience.

So...that's my little update. Hanging tough in tough times. Scared and confused, but digging my way out.  Your prayers and healing vibes are much appreciated right now. MUCH APPRECIATED. 

Thanks all!!