I Need a New "C"attitude!

Today was Day 1 of Operation: Kill Cancer. I am reluctant to use that phrase because there is nothing calm and peaceful and loving about the word "kill" (or "cancer" for that matter). But, it is what came out when I was typing the other day, so we'll stick with it for now.

Midway through Day 1, I noticed that I started off my day sort of going through the motions of my new "daily to do". Warm lemon water. Check. Neti pot. Check. Walk with dog, green juice, supplements, check, check, check. Crossing them off and not really paying much attention to what I was doing or how I was feeling. I realized, at some point, that this is totally counter-productive to the slowing down and being present and paying attention that I was aiming for. Ha ha. So, after I breezed through a swim and a follow-up pass through the sauna...I came home to get a little more focused.

*Side note: This was my first time to the pool with the bald head. I wore a swim cap...which is decidedly uncomfortable with no hair. LOL. It sucked to my scalp like a vacuum. Also, since my latest eye adventure, I can't see without my glasses. This is a very new thing for me. Just walking around at the pool "guessing" at what I was looking at. On the other hand, when I did decide to take the swim cap off (I think un-breathable latex on the head is a bad idea in a sauna), I was unable to discern any reactions from people's faces. I am not sure if this was a good or bad thing for me. Ha ha. Meh.

Anyway...when I got home, I decided it was time to sit down and get real with myself. Try some stillness, inner sanctity, find my Buddha nature what-have-you. Something like that. I am still on a learning curve here. But, I sat my arse down, wrapped myself in my new blanket and lit a candle. And then...I watched the cat.

I think that the cat has this stuff figured out. Seriously. He was mesmerized by the candle flame. He stared at it intently for at least 5 minutes. He was smiling. Just totally happy and content. He didn't appear to be thinking about the laundry that needed to be done or worrying about whether or not his heart would keep beating throughout day. He wasn't wondering if he was good enough. If he loved enough. If he was loved enough. If he gave enough at the office Christmas charity or was too selfish at the Thanksgiving table. He just was there. In it. Happy. He seems to know how to live fully every moment of his day. And not feel guilty about it! Imagine!

So...I started thinking..."How can I be more like this cat?" Of course, life's expectations of a cat are pretty low-key. We expect them to nap throughout the day and play with Christmas ornaments and bask in the sunshine without a care in the world. (To the orange cat's credit...I think this cat WOULD clean if he knew how. He always seems very interested in helping. I think he might read too, if he could, as he likes to lay on top of my books and magazines and I think I have seen him attempt to use a pen. For real. Seriously.) 

With the holidays approaching (who am I kidding...they're here), I am gonna try to be a little more like the cat. I am going to take some time to bask in the sunshine patch and stare mesmerized at the Christmas ornaments and not feel guilty for taking some carefree time to do so. (Note: Just typing this invokes guilt...we have a long way to go to being cat-like!) But, I am going to TRY...TRY to be a little more IN IT and HAPPY and CONTENT and a little less frazzled and "guilty" and stressed. I know. Easier said than done people...easier said than done. 

Here's my little holiday bucket list of things to bask in:

• Take time to stare at the Christmas lights
• Blast Christmas music throughout the house and get my Christmas dance on (maybe rip up some wrapping paper and ribbon a la Sid the Cat)
• Send out blessings to my friends and family, near and far
• Get into the giving-ness of the season and let myself get carried away
• Zipline and tube while in Jamaica (that's right...I'm going to Jamaica this month) Sid can't do that! Sorry, lil buddy!
• Knead and hug and rub and love on all my soft fluffy loved-filled cancer-killing gifts...blankets, quilts, prayer shawls, fluffy socks....snuggles....