A good friend of mine (thanks for the blog fodder!), after viewing my new blog, stated that she too wished she had been keeping a blog, but simply couldn't find the energy. My immediate thought to this statement was "well, duh...you have 3 kids"! Just thinking about that makes me feel exhausted!
Since becoming a stepmom, I have been left alone with my stepdaughter only a handful of times. Some of these moments have been pleasant and fun (fooling me into thinking that parenting or step-parenting must be a piece of cake) and other moments have been straight out of a comedic sitcom where I am left uncertain with which one of us has suffered the biggest meltdown. (*Some of my friends might recall the Saturday morning when my husband stepped out for short spell and within 5 minutes, the dog ran away, significant amounts of red juice were spilled on our cream-colored carpet and on my stepdaughter's beloved fuzzy blanket, and I sprayed an equally significant amount of aerosol carpet cleaner in my eyebawl...resulting in 2 people [myself and my stepdaughter] running around in tears and panic).
To be sure...if I didn't already have a great amount of respect for all who wear the title of "Parent"...I certainly do now. Its no joke. And, as we have learned in the game of Life, once you open your life to offspring, you can't simply "give them back". As a stepparent, I suppose I have a little more leeway here (and I can't count the number of times in the last year that I have thought to myself "what did I do?"), but I love my husband and my stepdaughter too much to walk away from this...I married them both..."in good times and in bad." I have to remind myself that even biological parents don't know what they are doing sometimes and that after 10 months of being a stepparent...I really shouldn't expect myself to be great at this "parenting" stuff yet either.
So, as it happened, last week I was tasked with the responsibility of taking care of my stepdaughter on my own while my husband was at work. For 5 days. Yes...you full-time parents...laugh as you will. A mere 5 days. Yet this was one of the longest weeks of my life. Not because it was wholly unpleasant, because it wasn't. But, because well....its exhausting. You can't just "check out" and God forbid if you try to, you will be quickly reminded that you are not alone and that 5 minutes of one activity is plenty and so its time to find something new to do. Now now now. In fact, just as soon as I got comfortable with one endeavor, my stepdaughter was ready to move on to the next. And, if say...you were content reading quietly by the pool, your child will definitely want you to come watch what they can do in the water a minimum of 4 times every minute. And so it goes.
If there was ever any doubt in my mind that stay-at-home parents have their work cut out for them...I know for sure now that they work harder everyday than I ever did in any corporate job. No breaks. No quiet commute time. No after-work happy hour drinks. Just back-to-back meetings with little humans, negotiating incentives and consequences; planning feeding times and play times; convincing them that your ideas are worth a try; and hoping, just hoping, that they will remember Boss Appreciation day this year.
I am glad that my stepdaughter and I have a bond. Especially since I know that it likely won't always be that way. I am also glad that I got to experience stay-at-home parenthood because now I know for sure it is not for me. I am too selfish and don't have the energy for it. And you know what, I am ok with that.
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