"Go with the Flow"...

Greetings!

Nine years ago when I relocated from PA to southern VA, a wise friend gave me one piece of advice on handling the changes I would embark: "Go with the flow", he said. As a planner and, as my husband says, a micromanager, going with the flow is very much against my nature. And yet, when I do succumb to this piece of advice...I must admit I generally feel more relaxed and happy. Or at least that is what I am going to tell myself as I attempt to re-establish that go-with-the-flow mindset.

The past year and a half has brought me many opportunities to test this mindset. And I find that my aptness to fight against the flow, or perhaps my inability to jump into the flow completely without flailing about in resistance and rebellion for fear of losing my essential self, has caused me a great amount of distress, resentment and tears.

You see...in the past year and a half, I have merged households, endured a mystery illness that has morphed my body into something of a stranger and have become a new wife and stepmom. I am now relocating with this new family (a process that feels never-ending) from NC to MD. During this relocation, I am learning about selling a house (I've never even bought a house), finding a new job (in a very different environment than the last time I was unemployed), being a new wife and stepmom (while clinging tightly to my old independent self), and acquiring a better or perhaps renewed self-esteem despite my newly (but hopefully temporary) morphed-out puffy roly-poly appearance. Just a little bit if change. Just a little.

The biggest change/challenge by far is that of becoming a stepmom. Learning exactly what role this is for me, where I fit into this family unit, how to establish boundaries without becoming a cold distant adult in this child's eyes or without becoming the family doormat (which is sometimes how stepmotherhood feels to me), has me tied up in knots of confusion. Recipe for an identity crisis for sure. I find that venting about my frustrations or conflicting emotions to my husband is unfruitful. I love him dearly, but as a non-step-parent, non-people-pleaser...he just doesn't get it. My girlfriends, who are mostly parents of children they birthed themselves can sympathize, but only to a certain degree. So...I turn to the world of stepmommy bloggers for support, advice and comedic relief. While browsing these blogs...I thought...why the heck not...I'll start my own new blog and see where it takes me...

Let this new journey begin...